Top 7 Take Aways From 2020

It is not a simple task to look back on a year that seemed to never end, constantly zigging and zagging, I most remember the pain, strain, tension and sleepless nights, yet it is shortsighted to factor out God's work. Was it pure joy when we faced trials in 2020, did the testing of our faith produce perseverance, leading to maturity? May God open the eyes of our hearts to see takeaways from 2020. This is my attempt to recap, I'd love to hear your too.

Top 7 Takeaways:

7. Anxiety Bites! 

My family and many close friends and colleagues (and my son) have been struck with anxiety, especially this year. A virus, jobs, uncertainty, sudden changes, unknowns have abounded. Fear can hijack our minds, and send the chemicals in our brain haywire. FEAR stands for, as my mentor Dr Marty says, 'Fantasy Experienced As Reality.' I'm learning that anxiety is a brutal thought process where outcomes have ME and MY understanding at the center of it, factoring out God and others. I do this more than I'd like to admit. We do seem to find greater wholeness when God is invited back in to express the reality that we are NOT the center of life, nor are we alone. It has been helpful for me to acknowledge that God is the one who initiates with me, and others, and that I have very gifted people around me to trust in. And for the havoc anxiety can wreak, therapy (i.e. TMS) might even help for capacity to get there. Time to bite anxiety back!

6. Family: Just Keep Skimming...

Our family can connect so much deeper than we have been. I had been settling for skimming. Too much disconnected co-existing with my family. The distraction of iPhones and apps, pulled me out of being 'present-to.' I aimed this year to be more present, and kept allowing myself to disengage. This year I am powerfully committing to leave my phone in another room when engaging in family times during evenings and weekend times. In fact, 156 times (3x a week.) My daughter will be off to college in 2 years. No better time to be present than the present.

5. Tension Headache. This year brought unprecedented levels of tension. Racial, political, LGBT+ inclusion in leadership, pandemic approaches (mask/no-mask, shut down all vs. choose for yourself.) Also, I was asked to be in a search process for a key leadership position for YL in the Former Soviet Union, which condensed my already thin brain space. I carried way too much pressure on myself. At one point, I changed my job title on my Facebook account this summer from Regional Director, to 'Chief Tension Holding Officer,' it felt accurate The takeaway verse this year is Colossians 1:17 "Jesus is before all things and in Him, all things hold together." Thank God its not all up to me. I learned to spend times in prayer where I lay out EVERY anxiety, let God search my thoughts, I release my tensions to Him and I end up freer! Thanks be to our able God who's arms are long enough and shoulders are wide enough.

 

4. Vision-Nearing. I've been learning that vision is best formed glacially, layer by layer, by praying, listening, gathering input and listening more. Then, consistently and creatively sharing it as an invitation to others to participate in. Discerning and launching our YL 'Move the Mountains' 5 year vision during a pandemic has been eye opening for how much input from staff has shaped it from what we started with. Also, how refreshing a forward moving vision has been for those eager to give beyond what I expectations and to be a valued part of it.

 

3. Opportunities abound! When options are limited, there is still much more we can control than we typically ever access. This year, the sense of control was stripped from us, but we were not left empty handed. Our family shed many tears over losses. Yet, this became a year of brainstorming ways to 'seize opportunities' even when it seemed overly-positive to do so. Spring Break was cancelled to Mexico, so we RV'd it to 4 remote destinations across WA and Idaho, taking epic pics. We were ordered to shelter in home, so we read, zoomed, raised puppies, watched more shows and movies together. Even in YL, we had to postpone our regional auction 4 times, yet did it virtually, and it worked. We learned to focus on what we CAN do. Brainstorms helped us get out of our scarcity mindsets. Four things we can personally control: 1. Thoughts  2. Actions. 3. Effort. 4. Attitude. We are never stuck because God is always on the move.

 

 2. Humilitea-Time. Where pride exists, blind spots abound. Blind spots are qualities and behaviors in our life we do not see (sometimes we ignore) that others see and are impacted by. It takes humility and emotional intelligence (EQ) to shrink our blind spots. Pride and fear keep us from humbly looking at them on a personal or corporate (church, business, in organizations) level. What came out in the open this year for injustice, historical factors that contribute to the psyche and socio-economics of people, related to old, unresolved blind spots in our culture and even how they have seeped into the church, and YL. The more power, comfort and privilege one has, the more resistance there is to consider looking at one's blind spots. As leaders and ministers of reconciliation, (2Cor 5) engaging in blind spot shrinkage could be our humble jam, recognizing and removing planks in our eyes. Yet, it is hard and seems futile and unfair. Yet,  humility in us can create a greater sense of flourishing and belonging for others around/under us. One of the best questions to ask others around us is: “What can I do more of or less of?” I asked this from staff from all levels during evaluations and the notes I took changed the way I have been leading, especially towards women (gender dynamics in leadership are real), those from poverty or traumatic stories, and staff of color. Want to shrink blind spots? Get some shrinkage in the pride department. You won't lose your place by making space for others. "Humility means thinking of myself less, not thinking less of myself." (CS Lewis)  

1. Jesus is the #1 essential priority and means to accomplish the outcomes we long for.  Jesus, (not Christianity or even organized religion) ALWAYS enhances justice, a sense of belonging and wisdom of how to respond to the demands of people. Proverbs states that 'the fear of the Lord (awareness of God’s rule) is the beginning of wisdom.' All skills, EQ, CQ, and straightening out history do not replace Jesus, or but can be added to us as wisdom. There is no other gospel or good news that saves. There is no lasting, saving movement other than Jesus. Jesus encompasses and empowers movements, if He is in it. Even if American church falls far short of the bar of the Kingdom of God's perfect aims and priorities (orphans, widows, justice, equality, etc) Jesus still is the way, the truth, the life needed and the good news to ALL people.

Share what would some of your takeaways be? Which are the same? Which are unique different to your life? I will create a new post based on comments and messages from your 2020 takeaways.

In our story, to God be the glory. 2020 is HISTORY (his-story) and 2021 is a mystery to be discovered.   -Jeff-

Why I Mysteriously Stopped Journaling

I was the guy that claimed that 'I don't do that journaling/dear diary stuff.' Perhaps because it felt unmanly or messed with my ADHD. Then, after both my kids were born, and I was given a journal at a Young Life conference in 2008, which jolted my journaling journey. 

I have at least 15 filled, bible reading journals saved from past times of reading and reflecting. Its my morning 'PBJ' (prayer bible journal, as my church 'Life Center' calls it.) 

AND, if you've ever actually seen me journaling, it is with a black Strathmore sketch book (no lines or I'll die!) or Moleskine book. I have filled 4 of those. These are my most precious life possessions. If a fire broke out in my house, sorry dogs and fancy stuff, I'm grabbing those journals. My life journey WITH God and outflow of my soul is in there. My best and most outrageous ideas are in there. My counseling sessions with Marty Folsom and inspired notes from vacations, conferences and solitudes are in there. Sometimes, when I break out my journal, some long time friends and former YL kids/leaders will make a 'aaaahhhh' sound if I break out the journal to pen something while we meet. Clearly, its my jammy jam.

In 2020, journaling has been my most solid place to hold tension, grapple with loss and fear, process racism and how sexual ethics relate to Christ-centered leadership yet also the mandate to love all people always. Journaling has been where my lamenting of pain takes place, the loss of my brother unfolds, where my messy feelings unleash amidst COVID and my kid's unfettered anxiety, and where I reground myself in gratitude to alter my outlook. So, why would I stop?

On September 20th, I was at Suncadia for my cancelled regional auction which repurposed into a great mini getaway. I sat out to pray and journal, staring at one of my favorite backdrops God has blessed me to see in Cle Elum (see pic to the left). I wrote out a prayer for strength in the coming season. I wrote prayers for my YL staff and kids by name. Then, God whispered to me something unexpected. "I want you to give up journaling." Do you ever hear God direct something to you and you immediately have the urge to pretend that you didn't just hear it? Or, rationalize and convince yourself that it was just your super ego or random thoughts that lead to threatening your comfort and control? That was ME in that moment. I noticed that I was trying to push away thoughts that were unmistakenly air-dropped into my mind, as from Jesus' iPhone. And the words were so weighty, that my shifty striving to scour myself of the stout statement further proved its holiness and the obvious address of the sender. 

I stopped my mental shiftiness and engaged with God in that moment, addressing the Holy Spirit: "Umm, why would I stop doing the ONE thing that is carrying me through this heavy season?" As I asked that question, I laughed out loud at the answer which seemingly flowed straight into my mind like Kona coffee through a perc filter as I even voiced my doubtful question. God answered me immediately, almost interrupting my question, "Listen to your question, there's the answer. Your journal has replaced me. Come to ME with your burden, with your heaviness, with your lament, with your requests, with your unresolved tension. You have come to write all that into your journal, set it down, and then move on, I want to carry all this with you, not for you to write it down and call it good."

Now, I recognize that I just quoted God. Honestly, I have retold this numerous times to close friends and am doing my damndest to reply what I received. Yes, I have been known to embellish a story or two. I honestly, faithully am sharing it as it came to me. 

Then, as I received this unexpected invitation by God to give up journaling, I dared to ask "When or how long do I give journaling up for? Like, now?" The answer, again, had me reasoning and doubting my own ability to get out of my Freudian, monkey brain space. I say this with humility and honesty. God said, "September 29th." I thought about trying to push that oddly specific reply away, concluding that I have clearly lost control of my mind. But, as I have learned to do when listening to God after asking him to speak...I just went with it and gave up journaling until further notice. 

Wanna hear something freaky? Of course you do. Tanya and I were having a delightful dinner with Mike and Lisa Fairburn in Spokane, dear friends, YL supporters and mentors of ours. As we shared, Lisa veered off the conversation and emphasized a point that caught my attention. She articulated how God has led her to pray every morning in her prayer closet as her first thing of the day, before coffee, before anything, and used the phrases 'I realized that I need to come to him with my burdens, tension, heaviness and requests, rather than leaning on anyone or anything else.' (Hint: there were the same words from God to me, inviting me deeper.) Stunned, I asked Tanya, 'hold on, what day is it?'  She said 'September 29th, why?' I laughed again, and had to explain to three confused dinner mates that God prompted me to give up journaling and lean deeper into him, on, yep, September 29th, so that He could reinforce his message through Lisa as she shared her deeper invitation into prayer. Is that freaky or is that holy?

Since discontinuing journaling, my prayer life has deepened like quads after months of heavy squats. I have found myself more free, honest and i get to what my soul is authentically longing for, rather than the rut I did not realize I had fallen into often in journaling of sometimes scratching with my soul didn't itch. Also, instead of journaling in the mornings, Tanya and I  have been reading together and verbally processing scripture and commentaries out loud, together. This is rare for us, yet has been among the most refreshing times of reading I can remember (even with Job, Hosea and Revelation that have been in the unfortunate reading plan lately.) 

What has God whispered to you? Have you brushed it away or received it? And if you're received it, have you obeyed the voice of God? "He who has my commands and obeys them, he/she is the one who loves me. And he/she who loves me is loved by my Father and I too will love them and show myself to them." John 14:21. Listen, obey, and let God lead the way, eh? 

Not Rushin' God

In June, I was asked to consider applying for the Senior Vice President position for the Young Life over the Former Soviet Union division.  Last year, I was asked to apply back in August last year when it opened, yet it was an easy 'no' as a 'move' to Ukraine or the Baltic states was required. The requirement to move was no longer required when this job opened again, thus I was asked again.

From the day I was asked to apply, life got complicated. That next week, George Floyd's death on top of many others unjustly taken, sparked worldwide racial outrage beyond anything we've seen. A week later, my brother died, which sent my life into a daze. DoBetterYL hit in a third crashing wave and it took me a month to have the head space to consider seeking counsel and even filling out the application. I ran it by a few people and decided that I did not want to let fear stop me from stepping out and trusting that God would lead, protect and open and close doors. So I did.

Do you ever hesitate to pray, listen, step out, speak up or say yes to something because you are nervous of what would actually happen if God moved you forward into it? That was me! It was so uncomfortable to think about taking on something so incredibly different, so far from home, so complex, traveling so much, and without the incredible team I love serving with here.

Before applying, I laid a fleece before the Lord (a reference in the Book of Judges with Gideon.) That was, If I apply, Dietrich would have to fully support this decision. Fat chance, right? After the depression that hit when we moved to Spokane, it was highly unlikely he would go for this transcontinental leadership position. So, I labored to get a clear year-long schedule of what this job would look like, how many days away, how many days home.  And do the same for my current job. So I did, and I printed them out, and laid the two calendars on the table and let Dietrich look at it, ask questions, and ultimately decide. And so he did.

 

After poking and prodding, he recognized the blue and yellow lengths of time away, yet also the numerous, white blocks of time that I would be home. His question and observations pierced me. "So, I see you'd be away a lot. That's fine, we do just fine when you're gone. But, when you're home, would you REALLY be home? Because that is what I don't like; when you're home and also working, calling, texting and not really here for me." I told him that I gathered that I would be much more present with this new role since. "So, yeah, I am totally good with this job if you're more  home when you're home."

Wow. I was both stunned, convicted and overwhelmed with clarity from his response. Tanya and I had prayed that the Lord would speak to us in this process, yet little did I know HOW and what the Lord would speak. It wasn't about a 'stay' or 'go,' the word God gave me was about my son, and work/home life boundaries and presence. All those times scrolling, texting, emailing...he noticed. He hardly ever said anything but inside, it has all communicated an unintended message that I was not fully there with and for him.

After two interviews that went very well, another person was chosen for the SVP job. My Russian skills will continue to sit on the shelf and collect more dust, and the time and season that the Lord clearly has me in here is confirmed to be exactly where I should be. And the word God spoke to me wasn't about a job afterall. The courage to engage in a process revealed a much more valuable message that I had not expected. To be home when I'm home, and that my son wants me to be with Him. That was all SO worth it. 

Starting to Do Better in Young Life

The capital "C" church has struggled with how to engage with our LGBT+ community and those among us. The variant conclusions of whether people are 'born this way' or 'choose to be this way' influence how they are treated, welcomed and included. Young Life staff have a history with a wide variety of handling these kinds of conversations when leaders or potential leaders 'come out.' Often the way a leader or staff handled receiving that news causes harm. Done poorly, shame is piled on. Done well, grace and love can be expressed powerfully; whether it is 'agreed with' or not, the relationship and response is incredibly important.

In late June, a movement started called #DoBetterYoungLife, that began to share and open a medium for people to share their stories of harm, mishandling and pain of being shamed, excluded or brushed off. The person who started this hashtag and movement, a married, gay man who expressed on social media, that he walked away from the faith, expressed his own hurt from Christians and YL, and demanded that Young Life change. The message of 'do better' has resonated among staff and leaders, the awareness has sparked a major conversation that cannot be ignored. Leaders and staff HAVE to do better with kids who identify as gay or lesbian, no doubt. Based on history, we and the Church has been really bad at this. Empathy, listening without injecting opinions and 'loving regardless of response' are what leaders do in many other topics. Yet often struggle with this one, thus, training and attention is needed and acknowledgment and apologies are appropriate in many cases. We are engaging in this, from the president all the way to former and current leaders, and me. Although the message of DoBetter seems to be really saying 'believe differently Young Life' from my observation, the charge to do better is being taken on seriously.  

This past month, our Young Life region has put on two town hall type meetings we requested that all our staff participate in. The purpose was to listen to each other and acknowledge that there is a diversity of thought and conclusion from believers and staff, and that it is important to be unified rather than divided and separate like our culture is.  In these meetings, we have acknowledged the stories of hurt from people feeling excluded from staff and leadership because of YL's sexual ethic that leaders are expected to commit to as leaders of young people. In our meetings we wrestled with the complexity of deeply loving 'every kid possible' as we aim to, being as faithful to God's word as we can be of honoring how sexuality for those in leadership, according to how YL and many interpret the Bible, fits within the context of marriage. We spent time listening to BOTH sides of this theological views. We heard a thoughtful theological perspective from those that 'affirm' LGB folks in leadership. This feels risky to many to open up this kind of conversation in a live setting. Honestly, it was beautiful. Hearing a more traditional view AND what some would call a 'progressive' view in a deeply respectful, listening forum with time to break into small groups to seek further clarification, was a win. Respect. Listening. Young Life within our mission and region is committed to 'do better' yet at the same time is not changing its deeply held belief on sexuality within marriage. So its a respectful posture of 'both/and' not just 'either/or.' Comfortable yet? Me neither! I am practicing a prophetic word that I preached to all at our regional winter leadership weekends to 'be comfortable being uncomfortable.'

Family Top 5 Bottom 5 AND Mid-Year Update on 2020 Goals

My family Top 5 Bottom 5 during shelter in home. And 2020 goal mid-year updates.

Bottom 5
5. Hair. I'm a glob of grease an 2 inches length away from a legit comb-over.
4. We are all doing video workouts but SOMEONE usually ends up yelling, crying and storming off.
3. Quiet times with God and solitudes at home in a confined place are not easy.
2. Helping kids with school at home and managing their stress. Wow. Eject button?
1. Fights! Fights about puppies, dishes, fairness, chores, messes and triggering each other (and who's actual fault it is for triggering/being triggered!)

Top 5
5. New inside jokes, life-long memories, family pics in an RV we rented and grit developed!
4. Video work outs all together. It was bottom 4 AND its a top 4 too.
3. Watching shows together: Parks & Rec. Brooklyn 99. Tiger King.
2. Staying connected with teammates in YL for work, yet with no travel.
1. The experience of birthing and raising 11 puppies has been an incredibly bonding experience. The birth process was the most united, bonding experience we have ever had. Janna delivered the pups and popped the sac, Tanya cut the cord and cleared the airways, Dietrich weighed them in and I did my part...I videoed the whole thing from two angles, and other helpful things too (I swear!)

Personal Goals for 2020 Update
I was nervous to check progress. I lost the regular rhythms and relationships but gained TIME to do what is important. I definitely have learned to now say "if the Lord wills" before every goal.

1. Say “no” to 10 ‘good’ things. (In order to say yes to best) So far 5/10.
2. 2-3 hour solitudes to pray, journal, reflect. 11 have been at home, not ideal! 19/52
3. 104 eves/days of 'no work' to read, serve, pray, play with family. 34/104 (catching up but still behind, this one is hard for me.)
4. Take 10 middle schoolers and Dietrich to YL summer camp..this will need to be creative!
5. Encourage Tanya to accomplish all HER goals. (a win for her is a win for me!)
6. Going running WITH others: 24/40 runs.
7. Big 'asks' on behalf of Young Life to reach more kids: 5/20.
8. All-4-of Us Family ‘together’ adventures: (projected to be the hardest: 30/50. 

I've kept track of every 'all-fam adventure' on my 'notes' section on my iPhone: 
Playing Dutch blitz. Watched 'Harriet.' YMCA workout. Breeding Charley x3. Coronavirus Brainstorm sesh. Watched: Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. YMCA workout. 3 LOTR movies on Covid19 first week. Tennis all together x3. Watched all episodes of Parks n Rec. Making a whelping box for Charley. An RV trip for Spring Break. Milton Freewater 'Polaris rides' seeing Elk. Kings Corner card games. Birthing the 11 Puppy together. Watching the Twilight series. The Hobbit series. Jogged around our neighborhood all together. Weighing, feeding, developing, and matching the puppies to new owners. Tiger King x2 & Brooklyn99 x2. Kings corner more. Making waffles, calzones and steak on Parks & Rec reunion day. Going to Manito Park on mother's day.

Blessings to you as you experience the highs, lows and have grace with yourself in 2020 goals. Its a good time to make mid-year corrections, or to add goals you thought were 'gimmes.' Tanya and I are re-adding a goal of doing a weekly 'check in' that we realized we lost when gyms shut down.

Comment with any of your top/bottom or goal check ins.

Some Clarity For God's Sake!

Is 'Clarity Deficiency Syndrome' a Thing?

Anyone finding themselves deficient in clarity? Side effects may include constantly checking the news and social media, unpredictably snapping at people in your home, thinking about praying but being too overwhelmed and lacking faith of the point of even doing it and uncommon lethargy.

Disclarity in which phase our states and country are in. Disclarity in when we can get our haircut and share a meal with friends. Disclarity of when and if our Young Life leaders can take kids to camp or on a trip, and if so, how many in a group can come. And...when can businesses open and people get back to work? 'Clarity Deficiency Syndrome' is a THING.

For those uncomfortably buried beneath layers of disclarity, consider how Mother Teresa handles it.

A brilliant minded Jesuit professor and author, Fr. John F. Kavanaugh traveled across the globe to stay 3 months at Mother Teresa's “the house of the dying” in Calcutta, he was seeking a clear answer as to how best to spend the rest of his life. In epic fashion, he met Mother Teresa. She asked bluntly, “And what can I do for you?” Kavanaugh asked her to pray for him.

“What do you want me to pray for?” she asked.  He voiced the request that he had traveled thousands of miles to ask: “Pray that I have clarity.”

She said firmly, “No, I will not do that." (insert record player scratch sound and cue the awkward turtle.)

When he asked her why, she said,  “Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of."

Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, “I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust.  So I will pray that you trust God."

'Trust' is not often what we WANT to hear when its clarity we seek. Yet it is an essential 'big story' theme with God. Jesus masterfully personified this life. Paul, Peter and John highlighted the life of trust and faith in every Epistle. Trusting God requires that we walk by faith, not by sight. The beautiful, unshakable remedy to clarity deficiency is trust. Good 'ol Vitamin T. The value of trusting amidst the trials and suffering, which James and Peter open their Epistles with, is worth the process because of who we become and how our souls deepen.

We can hardly wait for clarity. Will you deeper your trust in the meantime? That is the bottom line.

(Quote from Ruthless Trust, by Brennan Manning, 2000 that Billy Tormey introduced me to.)