In June, I was asked to consider applying for the Senior Vice President position for the Young Life over the Former Soviet Union division. Last year, I was asked to apply back in August last year when it opened, yet it was an easy 'no' as a 'move' to Ukraine or the Baltic states was required. The requirement to move was no longer required when this job opened again, thus I was asked again.
From the day I was asked to apply, life got complicated. That next week, George Floyd's death on top of many others unjustly taken, sparked worldwide racial outrage beyond anything we've seen. A week later, my brother died, which sent my life into a daze. DoBetterYL hit in a third crashing wave and it took me a month to have the head space to consider seeking counsel and even filling out the application. I ran it by a few people and decided that I did not want to let fear stop me from stepping out and trusting that God would lead, protect and open and close doors. So I did.
Do you ever hesitate to pray, listen, step out, speak up or say yes to something because you are nervous of what would actually happen if God moved you forward into it? That was me! It was so uncomfortable to think about taking on something so incredibly different, so far from home, so complex, traveling so much, and without the incredible team I love serving with here.
Before applying, I laid a fleece before the Lord (a reference in the Book of Judges with Gideon.) That was, If I apply, Dietrich would have to fully support this decision. Fat chance, right? After the depression that hit when we moved to Spokane, it was highly unlikely he would go for this transcontinental leadership position. So, I labored to get a clear year-long schedule of what this job would look like, how many days away, how many days home. And do the same for my current job. So I did, and I printed them out, and laid the two calendars on the table and let Dietrich look at it, ask questions, and ultimately decide. And so he did.
After poking and prodding, he recognized the blue and yellow lengths of time away, yet also the numerous, white blocks of time that I would be home. His question and observations pierced me. "So, I see you'd be away a lot. That's fine, we do just fine when you're gone. But, when you're home, would you REALLY be home? Because that is what I don't like; when you're home and also working, calling, texting and not really here for me." I told him that I gathered that I would be much more present with this new role since. "So, yeah, I am totally good with this job if you're more home when you're home."
Wow. I was both stunned, convicted and overwhelmed with clarity from his response. Tanya and I had prayed that the Lord would speak to us in this process, yet little did I know HOW and what the Lord would speak. It wasn't about a 'stay' or 'go,' the word God gave me was about my son, and work/home life boundaries and presence. All those times scrolling, texting, emailing...he noticed. He hardly ever said anything but inside, it has all communicated an unintended message that I was not fully there with and for him.
After two interviews that went very well, another person was chosen for the SVP job. My Russian skills will continue to sit on the shelf and collect more dust, and the time and season that the Lord clearly has me in here is confirmed to be exactly where I should be. And the word God spoke to me wasn't about a job afterall. The courage to engage in a process revealed a much more valuable message that I had not expected. To be home when I'm home, and that my son wants me to be with Him. That was all SO worth it.
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