There's something more!

Do you ever get the feeling that there is something more out there?  Maybe feel like there has to be more than the ordinary life you are living with an ordinary job and typical activities of daily living?  I think we have all felt like that.  We all have the sense that is something more.  It draws us to a simple but profound understanding that life is not just about us living and dying, yet we are just a small part of the universe.  We finally get that God orchestrates everything in this immense universe, but at the same time we are part of an intricate and often delicate plan.  I chuckle when I think about it, because our ultra scheduled lives of multi-tasking and stretching every fiber of our muscles to get the most out of our time, knowing the most outstanding people, entering with people in extreme and utter despair and celebrating in extravagant ways, have characterized our lives that are anything but boring.  Most people, me included, would  look at our lives and say that they were quite fulfilling.  Yet, I felt like there was something more I needed to be ready for.  This notion kept me awake at night as I prayed that I would chose the right direction, jump onto the correct train as it chugged by.  There was also some guilt for feeling discontent.  The discontent turned to heavenly expectation. I felt like perhaps the hope of something more was a mustard seed of faith, a grain of curiosity that would keep my eyes open to new direction in the future.

In the summer of 2014, I was in the depths of this wonder and spirit of expectation. Jeff and I had been in the habit of having a time of quiet meditation and reading each morning before the kids and I would rush off to school.  During this time, I felt like I had been in communication with God and we had come to the agreement that Jeff and I were true partners.  I had come to the resolution that whatever God had for our family, to move away, to change jobs, to (gasp) leave Young Life, to make a huge change in our family, that I was with him (Jeff).   Early one morning, I felt a prompting in my spirit to tell Jeff.  The vague words were received with polite obligation and we both went about our days.  I felt satisfied and relieved that I had followed my prompting and he obediently listened.

About 2 weeks later,  I felt the same prompting.  In the quiet of my early morning times of conversation with my Maker, I was reminded of my previous commitment to go along with Jeff, how ever God would lead.  The leading this time was ...Tell him again .  The reaction this time was a little different.  "Please stop saying this.  You are starting to freak me out!"  Jeff moved his hands around his head as if to shoo the words away from his ears as if to unhear them.  "I'm just trying to do what God tells me to do and say what he tells me to say!"  I offered as an excuse.  "Maybe we are supposed to be doing something more, not something else, but more."

This stirring of my spirit changed me. I had never thought of moving or doing something else.  Why would we?  Things were going so well. Ministry was reaching more kids than ever.  We were in the same place long enough to see the fruit of our labor in spiritual generations of students through Young Life happily loving and serving others in Christ's name.  Our house had finally evolved to a place we wanted to dwell in and host others.  I had the best job in the world.  We liked our kids...

But I started to live differently, looking for opportunities to find something more.  I entertained ideas of changing ministries, but never felt released.  I searched online for orphans who needed families.  We built a deck.  We got a dog.  What could more be?

By the fall of 2014, I stopped looking so hard and decided to wait with expectation.  Not wait and doze off, but non-frantically and prayerfully looking around.  I remember telling the other staff wives at our retreat in Ocean Shores that we were very happy in ministry, but feeling like there was something more to come. It seemed safely benign to state it like that.  And, I had NO IDEA what more was.  I was just being honest with my home girls.

Now I see that this long process was God preparing my heart for the change.  God is gentle and loving enough to offer me some time to process and marinade on the idea of uprooting and changing our entire lives. He helped me channel what I thought was discontentment into a prayerful expectation of anything to come.  How kind and thoughtful.
 Ah yes...and now we have something more.